Tuesday, October 10, 2006


This summer I applied wood preservative to our large weatherbeaten deck which is on our garage and which juts out into the neighborhood like a ship coming into harbor. It smelled bad, but I assumed that this was temporary and that the smell would dissipate over time.

Well, it didn't; the smell got worse and worse until a horrible chemical stench like a heap of smouldering piss-soaked matteresses filled the nieghborhood. I still hoped it would go away, but it actually increased.

So I scrubbed the whole deck with TSP; did it again; rented a powerwasher and blasted the upper 1/8" of wood off the surface of the deck; washed and scrubbed it repeatedly with deck wash, the toxic runoff of which I had of course to collect in a wheelbarrow and schlep to the house to be poured down the proper drain.

Now the formerly handsome red cedar deck is so white and ravaged-looking it could lure Andrew Wyeth out of his grave and it still smells like roasting gumboots.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

uhm... dude. andrew wyeth is *not* dead!

10:51 AM  
Blogger kpw said...

I love the figure on the left. It had drips that look like solidified glue.

12:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you tired of neighbors, loved ones and ancestors complaining about the mortgage on your penis? Suffer no more with a degree from the college of penile hypnosis. Just send your inseam size and 20,000 dollars to the Prince of Nigeria and in 6 to 8 weeks you will receive a handsome leather bound edition of the 2007 "Who's Who in Penis Mortgages".

Don't forget to include your Visa and Social Security numbers. Thank you and have a great dane.



2:20 AM  
Blogger Armless Octopus said...

his is going to be a killer wad of work!

11:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you tired of your neighbor's penis? I know I am!

12:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

James -- it looks like Myron Waldman is your man. He's the guy who created Hunky and Spunky, according to the Internette.

3:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

eek. what brand preservative?

8:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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Alan Turing Alan Mathison Turing, OBE (June 23, 1912 � June 7, 1954), was an English mathematician, logician, and cryptographer. Turing is often considered to be the father of modern computer science. - - With the Turing test, Turing made a significant and characteristically provocative contribution to the debate regarding artificial intelligence: whether it will ever be possible to say that a machine is conscious and can think. He provided an influential formalisation of the concept of the algorithm and computation with the Turing machine, formulating the now widely accepted "Turing" version of the Church�Turing thesis, namely that any practical computing model has either the equivalent or a subset of the capabilities of a Turing machine

4:54 PM  
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8:23 PM  

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