Tuesday, October 10, 2006

A LIFE'S WORK






















This summer I applied wood preservative to our large weatherbeaten deck which is on our garage and which juts out into the neighborhood like a ship coming into harbor. It smelled bad, but I assumed that this was temporary and that the smell would dissipate over time.

Well, it didn't; the smell got worse and worse until a horrible chemical stench like a heap of smouldering piss-soaked matteresses filled the nieghborhood. I still hoped it would go away, but it actually increased.

So I scrubbed the whole deck with TSP; did it again; rented a powerwasher and blasted the upper 1/8" of wood off the surface of the deck; washed and scrubbed it repeatedly with deck wash, the toxic runoff of which I had of course to collect in a wheelbarrow and schlep to the house to be poured down the proper drain.

Now the formerly handsome red cedar deck is so white and ravaged-looking it could lure Andrew Wyeth out of his grave and it still smells like roasting gumboots.

7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

uhm... dude. andrew wyeth is *not* dead!

10:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you tired of neighbors, loved ones and ancestors complaining about the mortgage on your penis? Suffer no more with a degree from the college of penile hypnosis. Just send your inseam size and 20,000 dollars to the Prince of Nigeria and in 6 to 8 weeks you will receive a handsome leather bound edition of the 2007 "Who's Who in Penis Mortgages".

Don't forget to include your Visa and Social Security numbers. Thank you and have a great dane.

www.penismortgageroundup.net/nigerianprince

penmort@nigerianspam.spam

2:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you tired of your neighbor's penis? I know I am!
--MC

12:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

James -- it looks like Myron Waldman is your man. He's the guy who created Hunky and Spunky, according to the Internette.
http://www.barkeranimation.com/thumbnail_page.asp?CID=415-2-0
--MC

3:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

eek. what brand preservative?

8:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:41 PM  

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